here is where i am

I'm torn over this thing with J. He's nice and cute and funny. But he has a girlfriend so this is wrong. All our harmless flirting got a lot more serious with his confession that he liked me a little too much. And why did I have to go and agree that I might like him too?

I should have let this all die out. I didn't need to say anything. I could have said, "If things are that bad with your girlfriend then you need to end it and talk with me when you do." I should have said so many things.

Now our daily flirting in English class and our banter over lunch seems so wrong. The way he looks at me feels odd and I feel unfaithful.

But I'm the single one. And we really haven't done anything wrong. We haven't had intimate moments and there hasn't even been the brush of an arm of the tap of a foot. But I know where this is going and I know who will be the one to get hurt.

I'm fresh off of M. My big mistake. I can't make another one within just a few months. I went to far, gave up to much, and got burned. Now here I go again: taking things up with a boyfriend of over a year. He says things are bad now, but situations change. I have a feeling I'm the odd variable - I am the one who will hit the fan if this carries on.

My life isn't some romantic comedy. I won't get the guy in the end, even if I really like him. If my life was one of those chick-flicks I think I'd be that supporting roll. The girl who gives all the encouragement. The one you like but don't really root for because she isn't the lead. Yeah...I am that girl.